My salute to failure

On the news tonight, I saw an event at the Botanical Gardens honoring all the valedictorians and salutorians in our city from every school. I laughed really hard.

It's just that I had gotten this call from my mom, who told me that the boys are banned from walking across the stage, because Ben (the 20-year-old) may or may not have enough credits due to the school losing his records and the fact that he keeps leaving school an hour-and-a-half early to come home and eat a bowl of cereal, and Brandon (the 18-year-old) couldn't refrain from smoking pot on the day of a scheduled drug test 2 weeks before graduation. Apparently the alternative school doesn't publicly support potheads or undereducated 20 year-olds, even though a nice teacher physically drove to my dad's house, yanked Ben up out of the recliner and drove him back to school.

Also, my dad is making an attempt at storming the district, advocating for Ben because it's wrong that the school lost his records, and for Brandon, because, well, for starters they already paid for the cap and gown. But secondly, he is convinced that the school just mistakenly misplaced it's irritation with Ben onto Brandon, and he really doesn't want Brandon to see a bunch of adults using vengeance and think that vengeance is the answer.

As if that's the real danger, here. Vengeance. Three out of three brothers have been expelled from the public school system for drugs, sent to the alternative school and, of the three, only one will have actually graduated. What they need here is a clear lesson in vengeance.

My grandma on the other hand, who already owns 3 floor-to-ceiling cabinets full of party favors, tablecloths, hats, napkins, forks, candles, plates and noise-makers for every occasion, up to and including graduation, and would never let a silly thing like expulsion keep her from throwing a good party, called my mom today and this was their conversation:

"Trisha? Honey, I'm here at this paper place… oohh, yes, is this one on sale too? and…hello? You there? I'm at this paper place and for $26 we can have the napkins…let me describe them…they have a confetti-like in the corner…well, a triangle shape in one direction, its real festive looking, and they have a special where you can get 100 napkins with their names imprinted, well, the one I'm looking at has four girls names, because they all had their party together, but I mean, we could print Ben-uh-Bry-uh Benjamin and Brandon's names on---this one? No, no, I mean this one— Trisha? And they can put their school and the date…now did you say their school colors are burgundy and white?"

Hopefully my dad will convince the school that vengeance is not the example to set for a truant, drug-using 18 to 20 year-old so that we can have graduation party instead of an "OMG, you're still in high school?" party, because my mom already sent out the invitations and grandma's at the party store.

That would be like throwing myself a shower at 30 for the party of it, which I am still planning to do if I have not yet found something to celebrate.

It will be held at the Botanical Gardens, and I will invite my brothers and anyone else who has a failure to celebrate, and I'm going to call the news and we'll all make extraordinary speeches. It will be just perfect.