Here’s the thing. I think I may have been born in the wrong country. Also, I might be living in the wrong city. It’s possible that I am totally lost in the world.
I have been so disoriented since Tuesday that I’ve done things like: pack up all my power cords and homework and earphones and books to do homework at the coffee shop, but left the computer at home.
Yesterday I could hear people talking, but when they walked away I looked around and realized I hadn’t heard a word they said. This was me all day: So, we are having class in room 103 today? So, what’s going to be on the quiz? So, when is that due? Wait. What article was it? Was I supposed to write that down?
Also, I sneezed while reaching for a cabinet on Wednesday and totally threw out my neck and back. I couldn’t move my left side or lift my left arm past 45% or turn my neck in any direction. My classmates kept saying I had a stroke or meningitis. I totally believed them because I’m prone to hypochondria. But deep down I knew I had the what-am-I-doing-here-I-don’t-know-anybody-this-is-not-my-home-plus-I-hate-homework-and-am-desperately-heartsick-for-my-hilarious-and-warm-Belizey-family...or-at-least-that-other-family-in-Indianapolis…you-know-the-blood-relatives… virus.
I’ve heard it’s going around.
So, at 4:30, I propped up all my little pillows around my left back and watched Christmas movies and Belize videos until I fell asleep sometime around 10. I have decided that this business of caring for people is hard. There are always goodbyes. And yes, they’re followed by hellos, but then usually goodbyes again. I don’t really feel at home anywhere. My foot is in two states and my heart is in two countries.
My friend Steph said: Brooke, welcome home to wherever you are hanging your fanny pack today. (Steph, for your information it's a rugged Eddie Bauer bag.) But then she quoted Hebrews 11, reminding me to live in the light of eternity and as a comforting reminder that someone is saying, I'll leave the light on for you:
Hebrews 11
9 By faith he made his home in the promised land like a stranger in a foreign country; he lived in tents, as did Isaac and Jacob, who were heirs with him of the same promise. 10 For he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God... 16 Instead, they were longing for a better country—a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them.
Tonight, I live in New Orleans, Louisiana, USA, Earth. I only have a few videos connecting me to some of my favorite places and people and moments everywhere else, but I’ll share them with you if you’ll have them:
Ricardo singing at the Teacher party
Election night with Inez and Antonia when UDP won
Standing on the balcony at Cahal Pech singing "Somewhere out there" with Ashley and Kenz to the village...
Teasing the boys.
(Don't get mad, you guys. I just miss you and your weird fear of cameras.)
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2 comments:
Good blog, Brooke. So glad see/hear about your trip and your heart.
it's me, elaine. i can't remember my login stuff. anyhow. it IS going around. i have that sickness, too. good to hear someone else feels displaced in this world. like, we belong somewhere and no where all at once, right? let's make some belize food in december. that was dee-lish. did you learn any new dishes?
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